The Grip of Grace

I don’t want to write this. But I know I have to.

See, it was just over a year ago that a friend of mine was murdered. But this wasn’t your garden variety murder, if there is such a thing. This was brutality at its worst. This was evil. My friend was a bright light in a dim world. She was special. She was anointed. And the manner in which she was so heinously dispatched still turns my stomach.

But her killer was brought to justice. He was arrested, tried and last week convicted of her death. His sentence was life in prison without the possibility of parole. Did I want the jury to give him the death penalty? Yeah. My belief is that life is such a precious gift that it needs to be protected with the harshest of punishments. Yes, there is malice in my heart toward this guy. I want him to suffer for what he did to my friend. I don’t think I would lose a bit of sleep if he was killed in the same manner in which he so callously killed her. Bitterness? Hatred? Lust for vengeance? You betcha.

But then I read things in my Bible like, “Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27) and I want to scream! God says, “Vengeance is Mine and retribution…The day of their calamity is near…For the Lord will vindicate His people.” (Deut. 32:35-36) Well, that’s all well and good and I know God will have his day but sometimes God just waits entirely too long! I mean, the Israelites were held captive by an oppressor for 400 years! I don’t want to wait 400 years or 4 years or 4 weeks for that matter. I want this monster to pay for what he did and pay harshly right here and right now!

But then I read some more about how when Jesus was being beaten and mocked and scorned before being stripped and crucified by the Romans for crimes he didn’t commit that he looked toward Heaven and said, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” (Lk. 23:34) I’m forced to question the intent of my heart when I see Jesus look to one of the criminals hanging on a cross right next to him and with love in his broken heart he says, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.” (Lk 6:43)

And though it tears at the fiber of my being I begin to realize that when Jesus died on that cross He didn’t just die for me but for all of mankind and that includes criminals. Even that monster who killed my friend. No, I don’t want to forgive and I certainly don’t want to forget but if I believe that God wove me together in my mother’s womb and desires that I spend eternity with Him then I must also believe that about Curtis.

In his book, In the Grip of Grace, Max Lucado tells the story of Jeffrey Dahmer. He was the Milwaukee serial killer who cannibalized at least 17 people. Before his death, Lucado writes, “Jeffrey Dahmer became a Christian. Said he repented. Was sorry for what he did. Profoundly sorry. Said he put his faith in Christ. Was baptized. Started life over. Began reading Christian books and attending chapel. Sins washed. Soul cleansed. Past forgiven.” (Pg. 36)

Needless to say when I first read this I was repulsed. But why? Perhaps it’s because I believe deep down, as Lucado says, “Grace is for average sinners like me, not deviants like (him).” But haven’t we all sinned? Haven’t we all fallen short of the glory of God? Aren’t we all guilty of treason? What’s the measuring stick by which it’s determined who gets in and who doesn’t? I’d better hope God’s grace extends to everyone who humbles themselves before him and asks for forgiveness.

Which brings me back to Curtis Lavelle Vance. For over a year I prayed that God would have his vengeance. Maybe now it’s time to pray that God would delay that vengeance until Curtis can come to know the one who died for him, too.